She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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