'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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