You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
