Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
