i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
