You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
