if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
