it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
