This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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