Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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