So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im part way to drunk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
