saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
