see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
