I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
