2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
