If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
