May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
