I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
