I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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