here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
