the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
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i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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