dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
