Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
