you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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