I puked a lego.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
