Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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