This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
