Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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