There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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