And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
