He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
