He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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