Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
