Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
