dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
