I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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