If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
