it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
