Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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