Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
actually, I'm a sock model
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
