capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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