i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
