1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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