oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
