Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
