i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
