I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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