shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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