Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
