Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
