Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
