Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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