I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
