we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
