I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
