he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
