are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
