Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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