Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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