Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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