it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
