Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
