You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
