at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
