the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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