That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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