I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
