She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
