if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My feet surprised me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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