Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
