We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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