Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
