my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
