Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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